Healing Through Separation
It’s no secret that marriage is challenging...
Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce
and only fifty percent, of the fifty percent
claim to be truly happy.
So one day I thought
Why is it so hard to feel loved?
If a baby can do it, so can I, right?
Well, feeling loved isn’t hard at all,
but feeling loved when you feel unappreciated
and disconnected in your marriage is very difficult.
So I became curious
And I started journaling
and this is what I discovered...
Connectivity is Electricity that lights up the Soul
And if I didn’t feel seen and heard in my marriage,
then how could I possibly feel loved?
And if I didn’t feel loved, then how could I feel safe
And if I didn’t feel safe, well then…
How could my marriage possibly last?
I knew something had to shift
because there was a part of me that was dying inside,
my soul was suffocating, my castle was crumbling,
and I knew there was more to life than what I was living.
So I decided to become the observer of my life
And that’s when I realized my deepest desire was my darkest fear.
So I closed my eyes and I took a deep breath
I put one hand on my heart
and the other on my lower abdominal
And oh my goddess ...
A laser beam of light moved through me
and seduced my soul.
She illuminated my path
And I shouted…
I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW!!
So please tell me the truth!!
Because I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired
and I want to live my life ON PURPOSE.
And she said, TRUST
All you need is TRUST
So I thought, hmm…
Then the real question must be...
WHO DO I NEED TO TRUST?
And in that moment of deep reflection,
I realized the foundation of any relationship
is believing in myself first
And that’s when I discovered...
My SOUL PURPOSE was to revive
a hurt little girl draped in fear of not belonging.
So I said…
I’m sorry for abandoning you when you felt alone.
Please forgive me for not easing your pain
And thank you for keeping me safe when I felt afraid.
And as I listened to my inner voice
I connected with the heart of her soul
which allowed me to connect with the heart of my soul
MY SOUL TRUTH
And all of the answers, to all of the questions
I had been yearning for most of my life
were right in front of me, just like that.
And suddenly I felt an overwhelming sense of peace
because I realized my journey was unfolding exactly as it should be
So I stopped beating myself up,
I became friends with my fears
and I learned to love all of the parts of me,
even the parts that I didn’t like.
And I finally found PLEASURE
in the PURPOSE of the pain of my past
I realized that the same feelings of separateness,
rejection and “I don’t matter” that resurfaced
in my marriage when I didn’t feel seen and heard,
were rooted in the unhealed emotional trauma
of childhood bullying and ONLY I could mend my life.
So I said, FLY
First. Love. Yourself
And that’s when I began to give myself the same time,
love and attention
I had been giving to everyone else, yet forgot to give myself.
I scheduled nap-time to reboot my energy.
I scheduled bath-time to relax, rejuvenate and renew.
And I scheduled mealtime to nourish my mind, body, and soul.
But the ultimate gift of all ...
Well, that was when I scheduled "PLAYTIME"
so I and my “little girl within” could connect, heal
and thrive!
I did cartwheels and somersaults on the grass in the park
I jumped rope through timelines and played hopscotch
ON PURPOSE.
I took singing lessons as I found my voice
and I danced to the beat of my FREEDOM song
And that's when I realized that fear is just excitement
on pause
and expansion is safe when I believe in myself.
So why am I telling you this today...
Well...
Because Healing Through Separation is not what you think.
For me, Healing Through Separation is reclaiming my power at its root
and feeling safe enough to take that leap of faith
and keep FLY-ing
First. Love. Yourself. (a little bit more)
Even in the most challenging times.
Like the day I found myself at a crossroads,
frozen in fear because I realized I was living a lie
And she was staring me right in the face
So I couldn't run, and I couldn't hide
because the person I’d be betraying is myself
And that’s when it occurred to me ...
that I might have to give up something of value
in order to step into the highest version of myself
AND I WAS AFRAID…
Believe me… I. Was. Afraid.
But I did it anyway.
Because when I finally realized how much I MATTER
I was able to collapse a false belief structure
that no longer served me
And I knew if I wanted my children to reach their true potential
then I had to release the chains of bondage.
So for me, Healing Through Separation wasn’t about
leaving my marriage,
Healing Through Separation was the key to mend
that part of myself that didn’t feel seen and heard
when I was crying out for love and crying out for help
every time I was bullied as a child
And because I chose ME, today I AM FREE...
and so are my children.
So that foundation of trust, that I spoke of earlier
Well, she gave me hope and courage to change the trajectory of my life ON PURPOSE
And one thing I know for sure is there are no accidents
in life and God doesn’t make mistakes
So thank Goddess I never gave up on a little girl
with a Big Soul Purpose
Because she made me the Warrior Woman I am today.
That’s why I’m able to hold a safe sacred space
for beautiful capable women around the globe
to find their voice, live their truth and be free
So keep FLY- ing
First. Love. Yourself. (a little bit more)
So you too can align with your soul truth and embody this universal vibration that runs through the veins of every
Soul Mama who is ready to meet the Warrior Woman
hiding behind motherhood
dying to be seen and heard.
Because reclaiming your power is a process and you are
so worth it!!
Anyone who tells you differently is not a mother
and does not understand the magnitude of sacrifice that comes with the role of mother and the job of motherhood.
So if you feel moved by my message
Please know there is deeper meaning and work you may be called to receive
so you too, can Heal Through Separation
Because it’s not what you think
Own your Worth
Live your Truth & Be Free
Audrie Dawn
Women Empowerment and Purpose Coach
Creator of: The Ancestral Decoding System / The Mother Codes and The On Purpose Formula
